I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
