Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
