guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
