Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
