Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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