I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
