So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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