Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
