he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
