i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm both gender and math confused
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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