Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
