worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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