her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
