Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
