HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
