I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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