Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
