i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We need to rekindle our bromance
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
