there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
