Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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