i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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