is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
