Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
