so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
