I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
