why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
handjob tips. give me some.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
