OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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