if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
last night I used snow as a chaser
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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