I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
