i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
wow bdsm is so cute
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