Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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