the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
