We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
