lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
