omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
