In the future we'll all be gay
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
