chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
