just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
