i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
