I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
