I showed him my bush... on skype.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
