you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
