imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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