If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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