I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
