I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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