At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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