got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
