remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
this hospital has no fireball
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
