i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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