Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
