Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
