Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
