it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
